"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
p/s:windy(wed), Thursday(thirsty)
_______________________________________________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
Please be careful!" "Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!" _______________________________________________________________________
Monday, April 30, 2007
-_+
FAMILy
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath.
She puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."
She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." ________________________________________________________________________
Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together.
One night the 96-year-old draws a bath.
She puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94-year-old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood."
She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door." ________________________________________________________________________
LOL~!!!
LOST IN THE DARNDEST PLACES:
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." ________________________________________________________________________
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." ________________________________________________________________________
Sunday, April 29, 2007
another blonde joke
The Blonde Kidnapper
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note. "I have kidnapped your child.
I am sorry to do this but I need the money.
Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde."
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home(take note tis line.LOL).
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed inside the bag with the cash was the following note....
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
(for those who don understand..both kidnappers n victim is blonde =.=..)
A blonde woman was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom.
She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote a note. "I have kidnapped your child.
I am sorry to do this but I need the money.
Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park at 7 AM." Signed, "The Blonde."
She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home(take note tis line.LOL).
The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed inside the bag with the cash was the following note....
"Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another."
(for those who don understand..both kidnappers n victim is blonde =.=..)
LOL are Blonde stupid? =X
BLONDE COOKBOOK
MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.
THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
SUNDAY: Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
LOL u wanna join us?
Life After Football?
Two 90 year old men, Harry and Tom, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Harry is dying, Tom visits him every day.
One day Harry says, "Tom, we both loved football all our lives, and we played Sunday football together for so many years.
Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."
Harry looks up at Tom from his death bed," Tom, you've been my friend for many years.
If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Harry passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Tom is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Tom - Tom!."
"Who is it? asks Tom sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Tom --it's me, Harry." "You can't be Harry.
Harry just died." "I'm telling you, it's me, Tom," insists the voice." "Harry? Where are you?" "In heaven", replies Harry.
"I have some really good news and a little bad news." "Tell me the good news first," says Tam.
"The good news," Harry says," is that there really is football in heaven.
Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again.
Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows.
And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," says Tom.
"It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?
"You're playing on Tuesday.
Two 90 year old men, Harry and Tom, have been friends all of their lives.
When it's clear that Harry is dying, Tom visits him every day.
One day Harry says, "Tom, we both loved football all our lives, and we played Sunday football together for so many years.
Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."
Harry looks up at Tom from his death bed," Tom, you've been my friend for many years.
If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you.
Shortly after that, Harry passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Tom is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Tom - Tom!."
"Who is it? asks Tom sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?" "Tom --it's me, Harry." "You can't be Harry.
Harry just died." "I'm telling you, it's me, Tom," insists the voice." "Harry? Where are you?" "In heaven", replies Harry.
"I have some really good news and a little bad news." "Tell me the good news first," says Tam.
"The good news," Harry says," is that there really is football in heaven.
Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again.
Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows.
And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired."
"That's fantastic," says Tom.
"It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?
"You're playing on Tuesday.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
LOL CHERRIOS!!
Dr. Feelgood
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them.
The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, ''Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you.
On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts.
Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal.
Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."
He continued, ''Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole.
Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.''
The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor.
The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.
Then he told the Greens the bad news. ''I cannot help you, so I will not take your money.
I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.''
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, ''You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us. "
Ok, go to the store and buy some apples and a box of Cheerios...''
A doctor had the reputation of helping couples increase the joy in their sex life, but always promised not to take a case if he felt he could not help them.
The Browns came to see the doctor, and he gave them thorough physical exams, psychological exams, and various tests and then concluded, ''Yes, I am happy to say that I believe I can help you.
On your way home from my office stop at the grocery store and buy some grapes and some doughnuts.
Go home, take off your clothes, and you, sir, roll the grapes across the floor until you make a bulls eye in your wife's love canal.
Then on hands and knees you must crawl to her like a leopard and retrieve the grape using only your tongue."
He continued, ''Then next, ma'am, you must take the doughnuts and from across the room, toss them at your husband until you make a ringer around his love pole.
Then like a lioness, you must crawl to him and consume the doughnut.''
The couple went home and their sex life became more and more wonderful. They told their friends, Mr. & Mrs. Green that they should see the good doctor.
The doctor greeted the Greens and said he would not take the case unless he felt that he could help them; so he conducted the physical exams and the same battery of tests.
Then he told the Greens the bad news. ''I cannot help you, so I will not take your money.
I believe your sex life is as good as it will ever be, I cannot help.''
The Greens pleaded with him, and said, ''You helped our friends the Browns, now please, please help us. "
Ok, go to the store and buy some apples and a box of Cheerios...''
lol! cookie
An old man was laying on his death bed.
With only hours to live,he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen.
With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.
There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies.With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie.
His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!"
With only hours to live,he suddenly noticed the scent of chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen.
With his last bit of energy, the old man pulled himself out from his bed, across the floor to the stairs, and down the stairs to the kitchen.
There, the old man's wife was baking chocolate chip cookies.With his last ounce of energy, the old man reached for a cookie.
His wife, however, quickly smacked him across the back of his hand, and exclaimed, "Leave them alone, they're for the funeral!"
Monday, April 23, 2007
chim
Garden of Eden Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to.
God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called "woman."
God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will never have a headache, and will freely give love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called "woman."
God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make.
She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement.
She will never have a headache, and will freely give love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?" God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Guarantee u luff until u bang wall
Two young guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court on Friday before the judge. The judge said, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time.I want you to go out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday."Monday, the two guys were in court,and the judge said to the 1st one,"How did you do over the weekend?""Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever." "17 people? That's wonderful.What did you tell them?""I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this...
o O
...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs andthis (small circle) is your brain after drugs.""That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy,"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.""156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?","Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)
O o
I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison, ..."
o O
...and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs andthis (small circle) is your brain after drugs.""That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?", he asked the second boy,"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever.""156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that?!?","Well, I used a similar approach. (draws two circles)
O o
I said (pointing to the small circle) "this is your asshole before prison, ..."
EMPLOYEE GOT SACKED FOR TAKING THIS CALL
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a >>long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is >>a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a >>recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the >>Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word >>Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause". Actual dialogue of a >>former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. >> >> >> >>(Now I know why they record these conversations!): >> >> >> >>Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?" >> >>Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." >> >>Operator: "What sort of trouble??" >> >>Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went >>away." >> >>Operator: "Went away?" >> >>Caller: "They disappeared." >> >>Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?" >> >>Caller: "Nothing." >> >>Operator: "Nothing??" >> >>Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." >> >>Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??" >> >>Caller: "How do I tell?" >> >>Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??" >> >>Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?" >> >>Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" >> >>Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I >>type." >> >>Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??" >> >>Caller: "What's a monitor?" >> >>Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does >>it have a little light that tells you when it's on??" >> >>Caller: "I don't know." >> >>Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the >>power cord goes into it. Can you see that??" >> >>Caller: "Yes, I think so." >> >>Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged >>into the wall. >> >>Caller: "Yes, it is." >> >>Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there >>were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??" >> >>Caller: "No." >> >>Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find >>the other cable." >> >>Caller: "Okay, here it is." >> >>Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the >>back of your computer." >> >>Caller: "I can't reach." >> >>Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??" >> >>Caller: "No." >> >>Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way >>over??" >> >>Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because >>it's dark." >> >>Operator: "Dark??" >> >>Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is >>coming in from the window. >> >>Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then." >> >>Caller: "I can't." >> >>Operator: "No? Why not??" >> >>Caller: "Because there's a power failure." >> >>Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it >>licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your >>computer came in??" >> >>Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." >> >>Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just >>like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it >>from." >> >>Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?" >> >>Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is." >> >>Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??" >> >>Operator: "Tell them you're too f%*%*%g stupid to own a computer!!!!!"
Saturday, April 14, 2007
LOOK! Part II
Fooling Around
One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot." "Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." George was brokenhearted. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, George. "I'm awfully sorry about this." George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister." "Hee hee," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father." ===========================================================================
Too Drunk
Three guys are sitting in a bar when another man comes in and start drinking. After a while, he approaches the guys, and, pointing at the one in the middle, shouts, "I fucked your mother!". Then he goes off to get another drink. Ten minutes later he comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "Your mom gave me oral sex!" . Then he staggers back to order one more. Fifteen minutes later, he gets right up in the same guy's face and yells, "I've had your mom bent over the kitchen sink!". At this point, they've had enough. Thr middle guy pushes the old man toward the door and shouts, "Look, Dad, your'e drunk, go home!" ===========================================================================
Wild Things
An old man sitting at the mall watched a teenager intently. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. When the teenager was tired of being stared at, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man? Never did anything wild in your life?" The old man did not bat an eye when he responded, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son." ===========================================================================
Could Have Been Worse
Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it. On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!" "That`s awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse." "How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?" "Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I`d be dead now!" ===========================================================================
One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot." "Susan is actually your half sister, and I'm afraid you can't marry her." George was brokenhearted. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, "Diane said yes! We're getting married in June." Again his father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Diane is your half sister too, George. "I'm awfully sorry about this." George was livid! He finally decided to go to his mother with the news his father had shared. "Dad has done so much harm. I guess I'm never going to get married," he complained. "Every time I fall in love, Dad tells me the girl is my half sister." "Hee hee," his mother chuckled, shaking her head, "Don't pay any attention to what he says. He's not really your father." ===========================================================================
Too Drunk
Three guys are sitting in a bar when another man comes in and start drinking. After a while, he approaches the guys, and, pointing at the one in the middle, shouts, "I fucked your mother!". Then he goes off to get another drink. Ten minutes later he comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "Your mom gave me oral sex!" . Then he staggers back to order one more. Fifteen minutes later, he gets right up in the same guy's face and yells, "I've had your mom bent over the kitchen sink!". At this point, they've had enough. Thr middle guy pushes the old man toward the door and shouts, "Look, Dad, your'e drunk, go home!" ===========================================================================
Wild Things
An old man sitting at the mall watched a teenager intently. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. When the teenager was tired of being stared at, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man? Never did anything wild in your life?" The old man did not bat an eye when he responded, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son." ===========================================================================
Could Have Been Worse
Frank always looked on the bright side. He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstance, he would always reply, "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank could find no hope in it. On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself!" "That`s awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse." "How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend, "Could it have been worse?" "Well," replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I`d be dead now!" ===========================================================================
Look!
Better News
Harry answers the telephone and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, & I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms & both legs, & will need help eating & going to the bathroom for the rest of her life." Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?" The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead." ===========================================================================
Barbie Prices
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant. In a manner she responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00. " The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others ? "That's obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture... " ===========================================================================
Success With Women
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." "What's the problem?" the doctor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you." The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor. "It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women." "So, what's your problem?" "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does." ===========================================================================
Heart Transplent
A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker".
The man quickly responds, "the attorney's". The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?" The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!" ===========================================================================
Need Light
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor. The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?" "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb." The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?" "What? And work in the dark?" ===========================================================================
Just A Minute
The man: "God, how long is a million years?" God: "To me, it's about a minute." The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?" God: "To me it's a penny." The man: "God, may I have a penny?" God: "Wait a minute."
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Harry answers the telephone and it's an Emergency Room doctor. The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, & I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms & both legs, & will need help eating & going to the bathroom for the rest of her life." Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?" The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead." ===========================================================================
Barbie Prices
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?", he asks the shop assistant. In a manner she responds, "Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00. " The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others ? "That's obvious," the assistant states, "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture... " ===========================================================================
Success With Women
A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this." "What's the problem?" the doctor inquired. "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away." "My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you." The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face. "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor. "It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women." "So, what's your problem?" "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does." ===========================================================================
Heart Transplent
A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "you're in luck, two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker".
The man quickly responds, "the attorney's". The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?" The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney's probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's!" ===========================================================================
Need Light
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds, and he entered a patient's room to find his patient sitting on the floor, sawing at a piece of wood with the side of his hand. Meanwhile, another patient was in the room, hanging from the ceiling by his feet.The doctor asked his patient what he was doing, sitting on the floor. The patient replied in an irritated fashion, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired, "And what is the fellow hanging from the ceiling doing?" "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb." The doctor asks, "If he's your friend, don't you think you should get him down from there before he hurts himself?" "What? And work in the dark?" ===========================================================================
Just A Minute
The man: "God, how long is a million years?" God: "To me, it's about a minute." The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?" God: "To me it's a penny." The man: "God, may I have a penny?" God: "Wait a minute."
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Don eat bubble gumz!
An American is having breakfast, in Paris , one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Frenchman: "You American folk eat the whole bread??"American (in a bad mood): "Of course."Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to the states." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The American listens in silence.The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread?"American: "Of Course."Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to the states."After a moment of silence, The American then asks: "Do you have sex in France ?"Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.American: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course." American: "We don't. In America , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France."
Bet Ya luff @ tis! ^^
前天，我刚进家门，就发现客厅的桌子上放着一张一百元钞票， 平常没有什么零用钱，难道这次老妈发慈悲，给我一百块零用钱？ 我心中不禁一喜…… 可是当我拿起那张一百元钞票后，发现底下还压一着张纸条， 上面写着:“今天是外婆的生日，在家等我，我们一起去给外婆祝寿。 注意！那一百块钱不是给你的，是为了引起你的注意，请放回原处！”
English Version(abit laoya+broken)
Ytd,when i came home, i saw a Hundred Dollar Note placed on the dinning table in the living room, as i don recieve much pocket money ,maybe mum might be doing a charity by giving me $100 dollars? I felt rejoiced. ... . but when i took the S100 up, i saw a note beneath it, it writtens: Today is ur Grandmother birthday, wait for us at home, let's go n celebrate gandmother birthday together.
Notice:Tis Hundred Dollars Note is not for u ,it's just to attract ur ATTENTION, pls placed it back the original position.
(hope my translation can make it =.=)
English Version(abit laoya+broken)
Ytd,when i came home, i saw a Hundred Dollar Note placed on the dinning table in the living room, as i don recieve much pocket money ,maybe mum might be doing a charity by giving me $100 dollars? I felt rejoiced. ... . but when i took the S100 up, i saw a note beneath it, it writtens: Today is ur Grandmother birthday, wait for us at home, let's go n celebrate gandmother birthday together.
Notice:Tis Hundred Dollars Note is not for u ,it's just to attract ur ATTENTION, pls placed it back the original position.
(hope my translation can make it =.=)
LOL! It's me again!go n **** urself!
A radio station was running a competition - words that weren’t in the dictionary yet could still be used in a sentence that would make logical sense.
The prize was a trip to Bali.
DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”
Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”
DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?”
Caller: “Goan… spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.”
DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary.
Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”
Caller: “Goan **** yourself!”
The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until: DJ: “96 FM, what’s your name?”
Caller: “Hi, me name’s Jeff.” DJ: “Jeff, what’s your word?”
Caller: “Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced ’smee’.”
DJ: “You are correct, Jeff, ’smee’ is not in the dictionary.
Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”
Caller: “Smee again! Goan **** yourself!”
(It's me again! Go and **** yourself!) haha<--=.="
The prize was a trip to Bali.
DJ: “96 FM here, what’s your name?”
Caller: “Hi, my name’s Dave.”
DJ: “Dave, what’s your word?”
Caller: “Goan… spelt G-O-A-N pronounced ‘go-an’.”
DJ: “You are correct, Dave, ‘goan’ is not in the dictionary.
Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”
Caller: “Goan **** yourself!”
The DJ cut the caller off and took other calls, all unsuccessful until: DJ: “96 FM, what’s your name?”
Caller: “Hi, me name’s Jeff.” DJ: “Jeff, what’s your word?”
Caller: “Smee, spelt S-M-E-E, pronounced ’smee’.”
DJ: “You are correct, Jeff, ’smee’ is not in the dictionary.
Now, for a trip to Bali: What sentence can you use that word in that would make sense?”
Caller: “Smee again! Goan **** yourself!”
(It's me again! Go and **** yourself!) haha<--=.="
Mr.Bean Jokes
1) BRAIN TUMOR: Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor. Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy) Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you? Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb? Doctor: Then why are you so happy? Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!
2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL: Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Mr. Bean: 9 Teacher: What is 4 plus 5? Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE: Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson. Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C? Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
4) AT AN ATM MACHINE: Friend: What are you looking at? Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!
5) Marriage: Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry? Mr. Bean: 16 Friend: Why? Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.
6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND: Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok? Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture. Friend: What tape did you took anyway? Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.
7)DEATH OF HIS MOTHER: Mr. Beancrying) the doctor called, Mom's dead. Friend: condolence, my friend. (After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder Friend: what now? Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!
8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING: Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure. Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
9) Spelling lesson: Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c? Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure
Kinda lame!
2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL: Teacher: What is 5 plus 4? Mr. Bean: 9 Teacher: What is 4 plus 5? Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE: Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson. Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C? Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!
4) AT AN ATM MACHINE: Friend: What are you looking at? Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!
5) Marriage: Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry? Mr. Bean: 16 Friend: Why? Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.
6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND: Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it Ok? Mr. Bean: What do you mean ok, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture. Friend: What tape did you took anyway? Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.
7)DEATH OF HIS MOTHER: Mr. Beancrying) the doctor called, Mom's dead. Friend: condolence, my friend. (After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder Friend: what now? Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!
8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING: Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure. Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.
9) Spelling lesson: Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful....is it one c or two c? Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure
Kinda lame!
Thursday, April 12, 2007
LOL! I bet u nvr heard a story SAddier than that!
SENG, Beng, and Heng were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite at the top of a 75-storey skyscraper.
After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the lifts in the hotel had broken down and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Seng said to Beng and Heng: 'Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting.
'I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Beng can sing songs for 25 flights, and Heng can tell sad stories the rest of the way.'
At the 26th floor, Seng stopped telling jokes and Beng began to sing.
At the 51st floor, Beng stopped singing and Heng began to tell sad stories.
'I will tell my saddest story first,' he said. 'I left the room key in the car!'
After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the lifts in the hotel had broken down and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Seng said to Beng and Heng: 'Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting.
'I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Beng can sing songs for 25 flights, and Heng can tell sad stories the rest of the way.'
At the 26th floor, Seng stopped telling jokes and Beng began to sing.
At the 51st floor, Beng stopped singing and Heng began to tell sad stories.
'I will tell my saddest story first,' he said. 'I left the room key in the car!'
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Blonde stupid? i don think so xD
A blonde walks into a bank in New York and asks for the Loans Officer. She tells the Loans Officer that she is going on a business trip to Europe for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.00. The Loans Officer says that the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car was parked on the street outside the bank. She has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car a collateral for the loan. The Loans Officer and the bank employees all enjoy a good laugh at the "dumb" blonde who used a $250,000 Rolls Royce as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground parking garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blond returns, repays the $5,000 and interest, which comes to $15.41. The Loans Officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found out that you were a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000 ?" The blonde replies..."Where else in New York can I park my car on the street for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it still to be there when I return?" Not all blondes are dumb.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
-.- LMAO
Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.”
The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese”.
“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”
Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”
The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”
As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.
Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, “You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here.”
The astonished Chinese man replied, “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese”.
“Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you’re all the same,” replied Spielberg.
In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, “You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship.”
Shocked, Spielberg replies, “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.”
The Chinese replies, “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you’re all the same.”
Monday, April 9, 2007
Thanks god tt the princess aint stupid! xD
Once upon a time in a land far away,a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened to chance upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said:Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children,and feel forever grateful doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: "I don't fucking think so."
The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said:Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children,and feel forever grateful doing so.
That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frogs legs seasoned in a wine and onion cream sauce she chuckled to herself and thought: "I don't fucking think so."
LOL!!!
Saw tis stupid joke online!
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, Dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug."
An Irish daughter had not been home for over five years. Upon her return, her father cursed her. Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru? The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..." "Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family." "OK, Dad -- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million." "For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club... (takes a breath)... and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff. "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug."
Friday, April 6, 2007
Some Jokes
Diver Meets Guy Underwater One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, with no scuba gear on whatsoever. The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof pad and pencil, and wrote, "Amazing! How are you able to stay this deep down without equipment?" The guy took the pencil and pad, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"
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Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help. Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap. Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim ! Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered ! Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted. The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")
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AN AUNTY LIVING ON THE TEN FLOOR OF A HDB FLAT WAS SEEN RUNNING DOWN THE STAIRS IN A HEAP OF HURRY, RACED TO THE LETTERBOX, OPENED IT AND THEN WENT BACK UP AGAIN WHEN FOUND NOTHING INSIDE.. A SHORT WHILE LATER, SHE'S SEEN RUNNING DOWN THE STAIRS AGAIN AND REPEAT THE OPEN LETTER BOX ROUTINE AGAIN, AGAIN, AND AGAIN.. UNTIL SHE'S SO TIRED SHE COULD RUN NO MORE. A NEIGHBOUR WHO SAW THE AUNTY'S ANTICS FROM THE BEGINNING CAN'T RESIST TO ASK HER: "MINE, YOU MUST BE EXPECTING SOMETHING IMPORTANT FROM THE POSTMAN..?" STILL PANTING, THE AUNTY REPLIED: "NOT REALLY.. I WAS USING MY SON'S COMPUTER AND IT KEEPS TELLING ME.. "YOU'VE GOT MAIL". "
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Last night, an incident took place at Boat Quay. What happened was some idiot was trying to show off and declared that he would swim across the Singapore River. He jumped in and started swimming. But before he could reach the halfway mark, he started to panic and started to shout for help. Being typical Singaporeans, a crowd started to gather to watch and yet no attempt was made by anybody to save that poor chap. Suddenly there was a splash and the crowd turned to see a guy doing what seemed like a desperate attempt to reach the drowning victim. It was clear that this hero couldn't swim ! Luckily a tongkang filled with tourists was passing by and the operator saw the incident and picked both men from the water. The crowd cheered ! Back on shore, the crowd cheered again as the hero stepped off the tongkang. "Steady Lah !" and "Awright, man !" were among the many congratulations shouted. The hero looked angry and shouted "Ka ni na! Siang too wa loh chui?" (*%#@! Who pushed me into the water?")
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AN AUNTY LIVING ON THE TEN FLOOR OF A HDB FLAT WAS SEEN RUNNING DOWN THE STAIRS IN A HEAP OF HURRY, RACED TO THE LETTERBOX, OPENED IT AND THEN WENT BACK UP AGAIN WHEN FOUND NOTHING INSIDE.. A SHORT WHILE LATER, SHE'S SEEN RUNNING DOWN THE STAIRS AGAIN AND REPEAT THE OPEN LETTER BOX ROUTINE AGAIN, AGAIN, AND AGAIN.. UNTIL SHE'S SO TIRED SHE COULD RUN NO MORE. A NEIGHBOUR WHO SAW THE AUNTY'S ANTICS FROM THE BEGINNING CAN'T RESIST TO ASK HER: "MINE, YOU MUST BE EXPECTING SOMETHING IMPORTANT FROM THE POSTMAN..?" STILL PANTING, THE AUNTY REPLIED: "NOT REALLY.. I WAS USING MY SON'S COMPUTER AND IT KEEPS TELLING ME.. "YOU'VE GOT MAIL". "
Which Baby Are u?
----------JANUARY BABY----------
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored.
Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to
Recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth and Stubborn.
----------FEBRUARY BABY----------
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
Freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves
Aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends
But rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
Inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
----------MARCH BABY----------
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and
Reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous
And sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness.
Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up
Feelings. Observant and assesses others.
----------APRIL BABY----------
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and
Sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
Work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good
Memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look
For information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or
Make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and
Others. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive..
Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and
Travelling. Systematic. Hot but has brains.
----------MAY BABY----------
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and
Highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation.. Shy towards opposite sex.
Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to
Dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good
Imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves
Literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike
Being at home. Restless. Not having many children.Hardworking. High spirited.
----------JUNE BABY----------
You've got the best personality and are an
Absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make
New friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt
And more than likely have an a very attractive
Partner. A wicked hottie. It is also more than likely
That you have a massive record collection. You
Have a great choice in films, and may one day
Become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck,
You've got the looks for it!!!
----------JULY BABY----------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
Be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself.. Has reputation. Easily
Consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
Feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times.
Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
And forms impressions carefully. Caring and
Loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
Sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
Through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
In studying. Loves to be with friends Always b roods
About the past an d the old friends. Waits for
Friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
Unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt. But takes long to recover.
----------AUGUST BABY----------
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on
attention. no self control. kind hearted. self
confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful.
easy to get along with and talk to. has an "every
thing's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing.
loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates
not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be
loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone".
longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or
restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring.
always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming"
or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious.
independent. strong willed. a fighter.
----------SEPTEMBER BABY----------
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends
to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems.
Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and
caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have
many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional.
Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates
oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.
----------OCTOBER BABY----------
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves
to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical
beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry
often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and
fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does
not care to control emotions. Unpredictable.
Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND
sexiest of them all.
----------NOVEMBER BABY----------
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and
dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun..
Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards
your inner and outer beauty and independent
personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional
and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people
easily and very social in a group. Fearless and
independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a
crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the
greatest men are born in this month. If you ever
begin a relationship with someone from this month,
hold on to them because their one of a kind.
----------DECEMBER BABY----------
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking
person possible... better than all of these other
months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive
in everything. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in
organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision,
yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of
ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to
delay. Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to
joke . Good debating skills. Has that someone
always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer.
Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding.
Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of
person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music.
Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored.
Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to
Recover when hurt. Sensitive. Down-to-Earth and Stubborn.
----------FEBRUARY BABY----------
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract.
Intelligent and clever. Changing personality.
Attractive. Sexiest out of everyone.
Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest
And loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves
Freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves
Aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt.
Gets angry really easily but does not show it.
Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends
But rarely shows it. Horny. Daring and stubborn.
Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp.
Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the
Inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous.
Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
----------MARCH BABY----------
Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate Shy and
Reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous
And sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity.
Sensitive to others. Great kisser. Easily angered.
Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness.
Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up
Feelings. Observant and assesses others.
----------APRIL BABY----------
Suave and compromising. Funny and humorous.
Stubborn. Very talkative. Calm and cool. Kind and
Sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal. Does
Work well with others. Very confident. Sensitive.
Positive Attitude. Thinking generous. Good
Memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look
For information. Able to cheer everyone up and/or
Make them laugh. Able to motivate oneself and
Others. Understanding. Fun to be around.
Outgoing. Hyper. Bubbly personality. Secretive..
Boy/girl crazy. Loves sports, music, leisure and
Travelling. Systematic. Hot but has brains.
----------MAY BABY----------
Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and
Highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered.
Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings.
Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint.
Needs no motivation.. Shy towards opposite sex.
Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to
Dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding.
Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good
Imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves
Literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike
Being at home. Restless. Not having many children.Hardworking. High spirited.
----------JUNE BABY----------
You've got the best personality and are an
Absolute pleasure to be around. You love to make
New friends and be outgoing. You are a great flirt
And more than likely have an a very attractive
Partner. A wicked hottie. It is also more than likely
That you have a massive record collection. You
Have a great choice in films, and may one day
Become a famous actor/actress yourself - heck,
You've got the looks for it!!!
----------JULY BABY----------
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to
Be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed.
Takes pride in oneself.. Has reputation. Easily
Consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's
Feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable.
Emotional temperamental and unpredictable.
Easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times.
Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.
Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive
And forms impressions carefully. Caring and
Loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of
Sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people
Through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties
In studying. Loves to be with friends Always b roods
About the past an d the old friends. Waits for
Friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive
Unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt. But takes long to recover.
----------AUGUST BABY----------
outgoing personality. takes risks. feeds on
attention. no self control. kind hearted. self
confident. loud and boisterous. VERY revengeful.
easy to get along with and talk to. has an "every
thing's peachy" attitude. likes talking and singing.
loves music. daydreamer. easily distracted. Hates
not being trusted. BIG imagination. loves to be
loved. hates studying. in need of "that someone".
longs for freedom. rebellious when withheld or
restricted. lives by "no pain no gain" caring.
always a suspect. playful. mysterious. "charming"
or "beautiful" to everyone. stubborn. curious.
independent. strong willed. a fighter.
----------SEPTEMBER BABY----------
Active and dynamic. Decisive and haste but tends
to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself.
Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic.
Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems.
Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and
caring. Suave and generous. Usually you have
many friends. Enjoys to make love. Emotional.
Stubborn. Hasty. Good memory. Moving, motivates
oneself and others. Loves to travel and explore.
Sometimes sexy in a way that only their lover can understand.
----------OCTOBER BABY----------
Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves
to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical
beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry
often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and
fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but
recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does
not care to control emotions. Unpredictable.
Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest AND
sexiest of them all.
----------NOVEMBER BABY----------
Trustworthy and loyal. Very passionate and
dangerous. Wild at times. Knows how to have fun..
Sexy and mysterious. Everyone is drawn towards
your inner and outer beauty and independent
personality. Playful, but secretive. Very emotional
and temperamental sometimes. Meets new people
easily and very social in a group. Fearless and
independent. Can hold their own. Stands out in a
crowd. Essentially very smart. Usually, the
greatest men are born in this month. If you ever
begin a relationship with someone from this month,
hold on to them because their one of a kind.
----------DECEMBER BABY----------
This straight-up means ur the most good-looking
person possible... better than all of these other
months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive
in everything. Active in games and interactions.
Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in
organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to,
though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision,
yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by
kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of
ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to
delay. Choosy and always wants the best.
Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to
joke . Good debating skills. Has that someone
always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer.
Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding.
Able to show character. one guy/girl kind of
person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. loves music.
Another Joke!
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang.Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had had. He said, "Oh the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."The she asked, "Did you dance much?"He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance.When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ahhahaha :D
But I'll tell you... the guy I loaned my costume to, sure had a real good time!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ahhahaha :D
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Hello, new member of this Sibeitalkc*ck
Hope our this blog will be HOT in sg...Lolx Trash XiaXue..let her XiaSuay...
But all our content is FOC (ps:Full Of Crap) xD
I will contribute more in the future to this blog. LOL
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kinda hard to think of crappy stuffs to write about for normal ppl like me but "Fortunately" , most of the members here are kinda abnormal , so it's no problem for them to come out with lame stuff xD !
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some Jokes for the start :
Joke 1:
>>>A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
>>>Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
Joke 2:
>>>What is the definition of Mistress?
>>>Someone between the Mister and Mattress
Joke 3:
>>>Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
>>>Without Information Fighting Everytime Wife replies," No, It means ,
>>>With Idiot For Ever !!!"
Joke 4:
>>>A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident
>>>and confidential.>>>Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that.
>>>Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!"
Hope u it makes u Luff :D !
i'll try to post 1 joke per day(Joke of the Day) .
That's all for now! lolx nth to type le.
But all our content is FOC (ps:Full Of Crap) xD
I will contribute more in the future to this blog. LOL
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kinda hard to think of crappy stuffs to write about for normal ppl like me but "Fortunately" , most of the members here are kinda abnormal , so it's no problem for them to come out with lame stuff xD !
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some Jokes for the start :
Joke 1:
>>>A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
>>>Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
Joke 2:
>>>What is the definition of Mistress?
>>>Someone between the Mister and Mattress
Joke 3:
>>>Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
>>>Without Information Fighting Everytime Wife replies," No, It means ,
>>>With Idiot For Ever !!!"
Joke 4:
>>>A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident
>>>and confidential.>>>Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that.
>>>Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential!"
Hope u it makes u Luff :D !
i'll try to post 1 joke per day(Joke of the Day) .
That's all for now! lolx nth to type le.
Hello people, long time no see. hope all of you are still as potent as linbei. Too much of pccing and porn watching's unhealthy, so terence stop it!
QUITING IS HARD, NOT QUITTING IS HARDER!
Just remember, everything happens for a reason. How we all met and become brothers, all happen for one reason. the reason is becausee it's all part of HIS plans. lol.
Now need to take another break at geylang, training stamina. =)
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