a bunch of jokes(8) >=D

1)Newton discovered gravity seeing apple falling from tree at the age of 23. i wonder why he didnt get this idea while shitting for 23 years

2)Little Johnny's neighbour had a baby. But he was born without ears. Johnny and his mum and dad went to visit the baby and Johnny was warned not to mention its ears or he would get a spanking. Johnny looked in the cot and said what a lovely baby. Lovely feet, hands and skin. How's his eyesight. The baby's mother said it was perfect. Johnny replied "thats great cos he'd be f****d if he needs glasses !!


3)"Why is a woman like a hurricane? Cos when she comes shes all wet and wild, and when she leaves she takes your house and car..

4)He took me from a bar. He took me in his car. He took my top off. He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry: I'm a bottle of wine!

5)An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom.As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!""Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a nice, tight butt!"

6)A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, I would liketo buy some cyanide"The pharmacist asked, " Why in the world do you need cyanide?"The lady replied "I need it to poison my husband."The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law!I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds ofbad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of herhusband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now. That's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

7)Hitler walks in to a bar and sits down
Bartender: HOLY SHIT! your'e Adolf hitler! what have you been up to all theese years?
Hitler: i have been hiding in a hole all the time
Bartender: So what will you do now that you are back?
Hitler: kill millions of jews and a parrot
Bartender: Why would you kill a parrot?
Hitler: SEE! i told you no one cares about the jews!

8)A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with herparents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriendthat after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy,a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because hethinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come onin!"The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parentsare seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."